MUSINGS FROM THE BOWER 26

I’ve been having a ‘sorting and tidying session’. I freely admit to being a hoarder, but my excuse is that my ‘treasures’ give me something to write about, whether a doll, a piece of china, a postcard or the wrapping from a millennium celebration chocolate bar! Near my desk – which isn’t really my desk but actually the dining room table – I had accumulated a few crates of typescript, pencils (oh, I love pencils, especially when they have just been sharpened and have that fresh woody smell), folders, photographs and magazines. They didn’t look very tidy. Then I discovered a shop which sold boxes, pretty boxes decorated with birds, flowers, butterflies and all manner of things, and soon a selection came home with me. In the1960s there was song which went something like this:

‘Little boxes, little boxes,

Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,

Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.’

Well, my boxes aren’t made from ticky-tacky, whatever that may be. They are made from sturdy cardboard, and some have posh metal handles or little studs in the corners. And they are certainly not all the same – there are big ones for magazines and tiny ones to hold paperclips, and in-between sizes for pens, camera chargers, disks, notebooks and –um – my collection of wooden push-ups. (I’m addicted to wooden push-ups. They are toys intended for children, and are usually colourful animals on a base. When you push the underside of the base, the animal collapses in a heap. Great fun!) Anyway, so now the dining room looks much neater and much more colourful. The horrid plastic crates have gone and in their place is a collection of pretty boxes.

The weathermen are forecasting snow this week, and apparently it is already falling in some parts of Britain. As yet, we haven’t had any but it’s only a matter of time – certainly the temperature has dropped dramatically today. My daughter and I had an enjoyable walk in Hatfield Forest this morning, but we were certainly conscious of the cold and grateful that we had wrapped up warmly. On the lake we were pleased to count six grebes – normally we only see a couple. Furthermore, one pair was performing their mirroring dance. There was no weed waggling, but even so, it was certainly surprising to see them dancing so early. There was also a pair of Canada geese rhythmically pushing their necks forward in a kind of dance. If the snow and bitterly cold temperatures do arrive, I think that all feelings of courtship will be put aside till spring.

In the garden we now have two squirrels, one more shy than the other. I threaded some monkey nuts on a wire and hooked it onto the feeder and one of the squirrels was carefully removing the nuts one by one – I was impressed that he hadn’t tried to pull the whole wire down. Then suddenly, as he pulled off one of the nuts, it freed the next nut, and then the one above until a dozen or so monkey nuts, still in their shells, rained down upon the surprised squirrel, pinging off his head and bouncing to the ground. He had hit the jackpot and you could see the amazement on his face.

Finally, I am pleased to announce that for five days only there is a free promotion on my new novel, ‘Nelly’s Knickers’. Set in the late 1980s, this humorous novel follows the antics of a lively group of pensioners, furious after a spate of petty thieving leaves them bereft of their treasured concrete cats, pots of plants, plaster owls, bird baths and cheeky gnomes. Deciding to take matters into their own hands they not only defeat the enemy but the confrontation  becomes the talking point of the country – only to be topped by an outlandish performance from feisty Glad and her passion for Janet Reger underwear. 

Along the way we meet the irrepressible Eric taking flowery revenge on the Powers-On-High in the town hall after being forced to take voluntary redundancy, Dippy Doris with a penchant for speaking a dozen words when two would suffice, Rosa with a ‘face like a crumpled pile of wet washing and a mouth like a cat’s bottom’ and posh Hermione who struggles to run the Social Club against all odds. We mustn’t, of course, forget Maisie who tries to keep her best friend Glad from being too outrageous. And last but by no means least is 86 year-old Nelly whose knickers are essential to the whole altercation.

If you would like to download this novel for free to your kindle, ipad or computer, please go to http://tiny.cc/9ogaqw  - but remember you only have until Wednesday!